The Long Day

This is probably the first thing I’ve written since High School in the true sense of writing something.  Darren was kind enough to allow me to come and play in his wonderful sandbox,  so when I finally got around to it I wanted to make it something worthwile.  If I did or didn’t is really up to you to decide, but I did put forth my best effort while taking a little inspiration from one of my favorite movies.  I suppose he was expecting an article on Mountain Biking or some high speed, low drag military shit.  Nope.  Instead you get this.  (Sucks to be you)   Please leave feedback when you are done, good or bad.  All I ask is be honest and keep it constructive.  If it’s crap and you don’t tell me then you can expect nothing but crap.

—

photo credit: Scudrunner

I don’t know who you are or where the hell you came from but thank God you showed up.  You gotta’ help me get out of here.  Christ, I’m thirsty,  I haven’t eaten in close to a week now.   How the hell did I get myself into this mess?   A week ago everything was peachy.   A week ago I was goofing off with the rest of the guys in Santa Rosa.  Sitting around a midnight campfire on the beach drinking and laughing like madmen.  God, what I wouldn’t give to be back there right now.  Except, of course, that’s where the whole mess started.  That, and us picking the wrong kid to fuck with.

It all really started at the pier.   Frank and Teddy see this geeky kid in the comic book store.  Ya’ know, short fat kid with bad acne, about seventeen I guess.   Little shit even had tape on his glasses!  Can you believe that shit?  Ha Ha Ha!  Fuckin’ tape!  A real Eggbert.  So they get this idea rolling around in their heads and start plotting with Kate on how to sucker the kid in.  Well, that took all of five seconds to figure out.   Kate was all over that like flies on shit.  Course she’s dead now.   They’re all dead.   Everyone except lucky old me.

So, anyways, Frank and Teddy go up to this kid.  They start talking to him.  Telling him about this party we’re all having tonight and asking him if he wants to join in.  Of course the kid is skeptical as hell at first.  He knows he’s not the type that gets invited to shit like that by guys like us.  Then they point out Kate.  They start telling him that she thinks he’s really cute but she’s really shy, blah blah blah.   And there she is, standing there acting all shy and shit.  Hell, she even made herself blush when he looked at her!  Can you believe that shit?  That bitch could’ve been one hell of an actress.  Actually I think she was once.   You know, back in the day.

Well this kid totally falls for this BS.  Hook.  Line.  Sinker.   The whole shebang, ya’ know?  Hell, I swear you could see the insta-chubby show up in this kids pants.  Long story short, he jumps on the back of Frank’s bike.   I jump on mine.  And Kate, as usual, jumps on the back of Teddy’s.  Then we all go tearing ass off down the road.   I did notice some older dude come bursting out of the comic store; owner I think, but I really didn’t give him a second thought at the time.  Big fucking mistake there, David.  Big fucking mistake.

So there we are.  Me sitting back, smoking a cig.   Kate dancing around the fire doing pirouettes’ and shit.  She only has to drink a little to get like this.  Lightweight.  Teddy and Frank?   Well they’ve drank whaaaaaay too much and are tossing this poor kid back and forth between them like a rag doll.  They’re laughing so hard it sounds more like the braying of donkeys.  That’s when everything goes to shit.

We didn’t hear it at first, you see. The music was too loud for starters. The crashing of the waves. Frank and Teddy screaming with laughter. Too much noise. That, and his lights were off.

The guys heard it first.  They looked up just in time to see the grill of the old Chevy plow them into the fire.   They didn’t stand a chance.   Kate flips her shit and runs, screaming, at the truck.   She had a thing for Teddy ya’ know.  The old dude, the guy from the comic book store, he just steps out of the truck, calm as shit.  Prob is, Kate didn’t see the machete.   I did.   So, like A Flock of Seagulls, I ran, I ran so fucking far away.  Kate’s screams abruptly stopped.   I think Kate’s a lot shorter now.

The only building nearby was this old warehouse.   It took a me a minute of frantic scrambling but I found an open window and climbed inside.   So I can hear comic book guy outside yanking on the doors and he’s pissed.  Screaming about how we killed his son.  I told ya that, right?   No?  Oh well.  Don’t look at me like that.

Well, anyways, I’m scared shitless.   Kinda panicking.   Trying to think of what the hell to do.   Then I see all of the crates and shipping containers.  I found an open one near the bay doors and climbed in.   I didn’t read what it said, I just climbed in.  Not two minutes later (seemed like two hours) I could hear his footsteps getting closer.  He was being quite now.   Looking for me.  Listening.  I coughed.

WHAM!  Something slammed into the container I was hiding in.  I think it was his machete.  Then I hear laughing.  That goddamned laughing.   It made my blood curdle and my nuts shrivel up inside me.   They actually kinda do that you know.   It’s instinctual.   Like a dog tucking its tail between its legs.  That’s when I heard the lock click shut and him tell me to enjoy my trip.   “I heard it’s beautiful up there this time of year.”  He actually said that shit.  Bastard!  Shoulda’ read the damned box.

Well, a while later, couple of hours I guess, the place starts coming alive.   People showing up to work and all that.  I’d been up all night.  I was exhausted.   I couldn’t keep my eyes awake any longer and fell asleep on top of whatever was in this container with me.  Some time that day they must have loaded the container onto a truck and taken me to the airport.

So I eventually wake up.  Shit is strewn everywhere.  There’s this roaring noise.  It’s fire.   The plane crashed.  Can you believe this shit!  The fucking plane CRASHED!  No sign of the cockpit so I can’t see if the crew lived or even if the transponder is on or still working.  To top it all off, the crate I’m in?  It’s full of volleyballs.  Seriously.  What am I?  Tom Hanks?  Oh, and the volley balls?  They’re stuffed with bags of coke.  And I don’t mean Pepsi’s competitor.  So that means we were probably flying under the radar, transponder off.  No one’s looking for this wreck.  I’m screwed.  Then I read the shipping label on the container.  Now I know I’m screwed.

So that’s how I got here.  Holed up in the wreckage, starving.   Thirsty as hell.  I can’t go outside to hunt.  Thought I was doomed until you showed up.  A little closer, I can almost grab your hand and you can pull me out.  Got it!  Like I said, I can’t go outside to hunt.  You see, it stays light outside for six months up here.  That’s why there aren’t any vampires in Alaska.