I Heard That: The Kama Sutra Goes Vocal

Admittedly, I’m not a big reader.

Books are long.  Filled with words.  SO many words.

Who has the time?  Or the ambition?  Me?  Not so much.

I’m a skimmer.  Not in the clean your pool kind of way (I’d prefer you get any bugs or leaves out long before I come into the equation).  I tend to glance over information, absorbing only that which is of the utmost, most dire value and importance…or…you know…whatever’s in the biggest, boldest font.

But in a recent skimming of the day’s events on Yahoo, something quite interesting caught my non-reader’s eye, and demanded I investigate further.

Apparently, a British-based publisher has finally, after 1600 years of waiting, decided it was time to appeal to my very specific target market.  They’ve adapted none other than the Kama Sutra into an audio book.

The Kama Sutra!  Read ALOUD!  I have to hear this!

The sheer notion baffles me.

Now first I must confess, non-reader and all, I’ve never actually read the Kama Sutra, and my knowledge of the legendary work stems from little more than what that guy told me once and what I saw in that movie that one time.  But here’s what I do know:

It’s an Indian Hindu text considered to be the standard work on human sexual behavior in Sanskrit literature and it was written by Mallanaga Vatsyayana (okay, that’s actually what Wikipedia knows).

So there are 1250 verses, 36 chapters in 7 parts, and now it can all be read to you in the sultry voice of some British actress no one has heard of.

I assume she’s sultry because a deep raspy voice of some down-home lunch-lady wouldn’t properly sell the material.  I also assume the actress is unknown ‘cause Dame Helen Mirren was busy bathing Russell Brand (seriously, look that up).

It’s the first time the book has ever been adapted into the format, which again, is astounding.  To think that I can listen to Mr. T’s autobiography Mr. T & Me (does not actually exist) but not the most famous sex book in the history of the world…that just seems wrong.

That said, I do wonder WHERE people would be listening to this book.  Let’s say me and my nonexistent daughter are whistling happily on the subway on our way to the park on a sunny Sunday afternoon to fly kites and other cute innocent activities, I certainly don’t want to think that the skeevy but well-informed businessman sitting next to me is advancing his knowledge in all things pleasure for he and his wife / mistress / secretary / hostage to partake in that night.

That’s just gross, Man.

Maybe it’s better if the book stays in written format only, where the world gets a visual warning of the thoughts and information running through your head when they may be in your immediate proximity (unless of course you slide the book inside another outer sleeve BIFF TANNER style).

So…I guess I don’t know where I stand.

I’m interested for me to hear it, and not remotely interested in being around while other people hear it.

But either way, I now know it exists.  And so do you.

The Audio Kama Sutra.  Now available at a somewhere or someplace near you.