The Inquisition of Johannes Cabal

And now, for something completely different, I present to you a partial transcript of an event which will henceforth be known as the Inquisition of Johannes Cabal.  What’s that?  You weren’t expecting an inquisition?  NOBODY expects an inquisition!

Except, I’m beginning to think that Mr. Cabal did expect his inquisition.  He seemed to anticipate each question with a certain perverse joy.  To read more of the exploits and nefarious deeds of the aforementioned Mr. Johannes Cabal, Necromancer, you may visit Random House or purchase the books at Amazon.  You can also learn more about Cabal’s biographer, Jonathan L. Howard.  To learn more about this ill-advised and ill-fated inquisition, or to find links to the other fragments of the transcript, visit SUVUDU.

Here begins this fragment of the transcript:

Can you explain your relationship with your brother Horst, a known creature of diabolical purposes?

When you say diabolical purposes, do you mean before or after he became a vampire? After? Oh, it’s simply that, now and then, we would have some mouth-breathing beau or outraged father turn up on the doorstep demanding to see Horst, or Don Juan, or Casanova. The names seemed interchangeable, really. But as a vampire? Horst is my brother. What do you want me to say? It hardly matters, actually, because your opinion is splendidly irrelevant to me. But… no. The answer to your question is no. I cannot explain my relationship with my brother, and you would be well advised not to raise the subject again.

We have learned that you recently travelled with a carnival. This traveling circus left, in its wake, a trail of murder and mayhem. What was your role in this dark carnival? How did you corrupt the souls of those who passed through its tents?

I managed it, that is all. There has been a lot of nonsense said about that carnival. So it left a trail of, as you say with inestimable hyperbole, murder and mayhem and a modicum of madness in its wake, but — let us be honest, sir — all carnivals leave a trail of murder, mayhem, and morsels of madness in their wakes, do they not? They don’t? Oh. In that case, I suppose we were just lucky. As for corrupting souls, it was hardly necessary. When you see what people are prepared to do for a toffee apple and an infirm goldfish, you will realise that nobody corrupts a soul more thoroughly than its owner.

We are sure that you have made the acquaintance of Satan himself. Tell us how you first met the great deceiver. How did you come to strike up commerce and traffic in souls with this diabolical entity?

You seem remarkably well informed; who has been talking? Oh, those wretched books. Very well, then. To be brief, Satan foisted himself upon me. I wish I could say it was a strange and fantastic manifestation of the diabolical powers, but he turned up as an old git in a dirty overcoat who smoked roll-ups and stole my sandwiches. He offered me the knowledge to become a necromancer and all he asked in return was my soul. I wasn’t using it at the time, so it seemed like a good deal. It was an act in haste, however. I know I’m not telling you anything you haven’t already gleaned from your reading and I’m loath to reiterate what my witless Bosworth has already presented to a slack-jawed and gullible public as the truth. It is more or less the truth, but I’m still going to kill him when I find him.

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After this , the transcript mentions that the inquisitors turned away from Mr. Cabal to prepare a special metal bowl with some tinder already set aside, and to fetch the rats from their cage, and when they turned back, Cabal was gone.  He was recaptured within moments, but it certainly seemed as though he was toying with the inquisitors the entire time  It was like he wanted these questions to be asked.