Tigers Can’t Fly: Even When They’re Drugged

It’s tough to fly nowadays.

So many rules.  Prohibitions.  No gels, no liquids.  No food, no drinks.  No drugged baby tigers stored in your luggage.  I mean SERIOUSLY, what’s a guy gotta do to board a plane anymore?

This week’s latest piece of strange news comes straight out of Bangkok dangerous, where authorities at Bangkok International Airport discovered a 3-month old baby tiger drugged and hidden among a plethora of stuffed animals inside a woman’s luggage.  She was flying from Thailand to Iran, and had checked in her oversized bag for X-ray.  Security, after hours of watching hairdryers with infrared scopes and alarm clocks with large exterior wires passing through, noticed something strange in the woman’s bag.

One of the plushies…one of the adorable fuzzy wonders…was ALIIIIIIIIVVVEEE!

They unzipped the bag to find the baby tiger dehydrated, exhausted and unable to walk. Apparently the mistreatment began long before being unwillingly booked for a 10-hour flight stuck between a Furby and a Tickle-Me-Elmo.  The cub was sent to the Wildlife Health Unit and the Department of National Parks’ Wildlife and Plant Conservation Center (one happening place, let me tell you), where it was immediately taken under careful supervision.  It was given oxygen, water and lactation, the perfect cocktail for any tiger on the mend.

The accused, one Piyawan Palasarn, or Double P, as I like to call her, faces up to 4 years in prison and a fine of 40,000 baht (or $1300 if she’s carrying the monopoly money we call American currency).  Her charges include wildlife smuggling and intent to harm the adorable (okay, I made the second one up).  Double P denied the bag was hers (big surprise) and claims another passenger asked her to carry it on for them.  She was merely a Good Samaritan, not a heartless tiger-drugging asshole.

Excuse me Miss, the flight was booked solid but I’ve just gotta get this suitcase filled with stuffed animals to the children of Iran.  Please! You’ve got to help me!  Think of the kids!  Also, try not to shake it or you’ll wake one of them up.

Really? Isn’t the first thing every airport tells you to not to leave your bag unattended, and certainly not to willingly attend to the bags of others?

Watch this suitcase for me, will you? It’s got a very important bom…uh…watch inside.  Don’t mind the ticking, it’s a big watch, I wear it around my bicep.

There’s no word yet on exactly what the woman intended to do with the tiger, but something tells me it wasn’t to hold it and love it and kiss it forever.

Tigers are a rare commodity these days, and the black market price for an exotic and adorable pet is pretty high in Iran.  But thankfully this time, this Double P was thwarted in her Cruella DeVille-eque madness.  Technology saved the day AND the tiger, in a very odd and happy story of victory in airport security.

So remember, the next time you plan to hop a flight to Miami Beach or to Hollywood, make sure you forget to pack any gels, liquids and illegally kidnapped wildlife.