Halloween: A Geekcentric Guide

gravesites at Old Sheldon Church ruins, Beaufort, SC (photo credit - Barbara Miller)

That most frightening time of year is upon us once again; the day when all the ghouls, goblins, witches and blood-sucking vampires are out in full force.  No, I’m not talking about election day.  We still have a few days to prepare for that one.

This Is Halloween!

If you don’t know the origins of the holiday that we call Halloween, it is most likely the modern descendent of the Celtic festival of Samhain, which heralded the end of summer and harvest time, and the coming of winter.  On this night, All Hallow’s Eve (the night before the Christian feast of All Saints’ Day), the boundaries between the worlds are said to be at their thinnest.  For the Celts, it was a time to honor the ancestral spirits and ward off the malicious spirits that might take advantage of the thin places between their world and ours.  Masks were worn to fool the malicious spirits into thinking that the masked person was one of their own.  Bonfires were lit to keep such spirits at bay.  Large gourds were hollowed out, carved with faces and a candle was placed inside, also to ward off those dangerous spirits.

It wasn’t until at least the late 19th century that children began “guising” or dressing in costume and going door to door begging for candy or similar treats.  Children in their Halloween costumes are, in some ways, avatars of those malicious spirits that are said to roam on this night of thin places between the lands of the living and other, less inviting lands.

"I got a rock..."

“Trick or Treat!”

A few weeks ago, Julie Summerell wrote a piece for her blog Are You Gonna Eat That? called “I Got a Rock…”  That phrase, “I got a rock….” is a shared pop culture reference for several generations of Americans.  It is nearly as recognizable as the tradition of “trick or treating” itself.  As Julie points out in her excellent piece, the “trick or treat” tradition seems to be dying.  There are a number of reasons cited for the decline of this tradition:

“The world has become too dangerous for children to go to people’s houses and ask for candy.”

I know.  There are terrible people out there doing terrible things.  The thing is, the terrible people and their terrible things were out there in the 1970′s when I was out “trick or treating” in New Jersey too.  Wackos are not a new thing.  The biggest difference between then and now is that we now have a constant news feed telling us all about these sick people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Back in the 70′s, the news slept when we did.  It took breaks for cartoons, sitcoms and crime dramas (not “reality tv” showcasing the worst of humanity).  It was more impartial and fit everything we needed to know in neat little 30-minute or 1-hour long time slots right after dinner and right before bed.  That was it.  Just because we didn’t have scrolling news tickers on the bottom of our tv screens warning us of the latest “Amber Alert” or talking heads telling us all about the bodies the police found in some guy’s basement in Detroit doesn’t mean that these things weren’t happening.  It just means that our innocence has been further shattered and the culture of fear in which we live has become more a part of us.  Don’t get me wrong, alerts about missing children are a good thing and the “Amber Alert” system has helped save and recover children who were in danger.  I get that.  I appreciate it.

What I don’t get?

I don’t get parents who don’t allow their children to go out in costume on Halloween because they’re too busy, lazy, or uninvolved to go with them, or at least send them with a trusted family friend who also has children.  As Julie says in her article, “there is safety in numbers.”  My parents ALWAYS accompanied me on my Halloween rounds.  We usually went in large groups of other parents and kids.  We were safe.  We obeyed the “porch light code.”  If someone’s light was off, we didn’t go to that house.  We stuck to parts of town that we knew well.  There were usually people along our route that set their houses up as haunted houses for us to tour and we went inside and let them scare us, then we came running out to our parents who called out a “Thank you” to the resident and walked with us to the next house.  There was even one house that left a scarecrow on the porch every year holding a tray of candy with a sign instructing us to take a single treat so that there was enough for everyone.  Other than that scarecrow, the house was unattended.  There was always enough candy in the tray to last the night.

If you’re not willing to accompany your child on Halloween, don’t blame it on the news or the wackos out there or even “the world we live in today.”  Tell your adorable little witch or vampire that he or she can’t go our on Halloween because you’d rather sit at home, drink beer and watch wrestling.  Seriously.  Someday, your child will appreciate your honesty.  Even better, just take them out and experience their joy with them, like Julie did. Your child will appreciate that even more.

‘Halloween is satanic and I don’t believe in observing it.”

And I respect your beliefs.  I’m not a satanist either.  Neither were my parents.

This argument comes up every year, but in years when the holiday falls on a Sunday, like this year, the chorus is even louder.

When I was little, my parents never instructed me on any religious doctrine surrounding Halloween.  We didn’t read from the satanic bible or sacrifice goats before going out to beg for candy.  I wasn’t even aware of the pagan (NOT satanic – yes Virginia, there is a difference between the two) traditions behind the holiday until I was too old to go “trick or treating” anymore.  All I knew was that I got to dress up as something cool (I was C3PO one year) and go beg people for candy.

Beg for candy?

This was something that was forbidden for 364 days of the year.  When we went to someone’s house, I wasn’t even allowed to ask our hosts for a glass of water if it wasn’t offered.  Now I got to ring their doorbell and ask for candy?!?  Hell, yes.

Wait, was that last sentence satanic?

Nope.

Moving along then.

“All that candy is unhealthy.”

It sure is, but so is plunking your kid down in front of the boob tube for hours a day and using Dora and Diego as babysitters.  Again, I have nothing against Dora or Diego (their status in Arizona notwithstanding).  I have a problem with parents who will condemn something as unhealthy (like I said, it IS unhealthy) because it is an inconvenience and then do something equally unhealthy out of convenience.  You could always take all that tasty candy for yourself and give out “Scarrots” instead (scary carrots – I’m not joking, follow the link), or maybe raisins (just suck the chocolate coating off first).  Really?  You could just do what I later found out my parents were doing (Ewwwwww… Not THAT!) and ration out the candy over the course of a week or so while gradually taking candy out of the stash until you fool them into thinking they actually ate all of it.

Take the candy, leave the apple.

Tradition!

I think some strange combination of these three commonly cited reasons to not allow kids to go “trick or treating” has led to the new American phenomenon known as the “trunk or treat.”  This is where people park their cars, usually with highly decorated trunk spaces, usually in a church or community center parking lot, and lead their children around from car to car doing the same thing we used to do from door to door.  Somehow, this is less satanic than the door to door method.  It must be the doorbells.

That’s it!

Doorbells must be satanic.  Except, I’ve seen at least one person who brought a door, complete with frame, doorbell and porch light, to a “trunk or treat.”  I applaud his ingenuity.  I scoff at the need for it.  Proponents of the movement say that it’s safer than traditional “trick or treating” and they’re right.  Why?  It’s simple.  Because all of the adults are right there with their children.  Just like they were when we did it the old way back in the 70′s.  Except, now they can sit in their lawn chairs and not have to beat the streets with packs of kids after working all day.

Do you think this new way is the way to go?  That’s fine.  I know many of my friends are in this camp.  I respect that.  You need to do what you think works best for you and your children.  I just think that the NEED for it is overstated.  Just remember that the creepy old guy in the beat up Nova at the end of the parking lot is the same creepy old guy in the house at the end of the street.  Oh, and throw away the apples, just in case.  I’ve seen Night of the Demons.  Trust me, don’t eat the apples.

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!”

Whether or not you participate in the “trick or treat” tradition, there are still plenty of ways to celebrate Halloween.  Obviously, many people have parties where they dress in revealing or sexually-themed costumes, get drunk, and pass out in a pool of their own vomit.

If you’re looking for other ways to observe the holiday, you could always read a scary novel or short story collection, watch a scary movie, play a scary video game, or listen to scary music.  In that case, I have some suggestions for you:

5 Scary Books

1. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury – What really happens inside the tents of the carnival that comes to town in the fall?
2. Needful Things by Stephen King – The proprietor of the new shop downtown has everything your heart desires, but at what cost?
3. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson – What really happens behind the doors of that haunted house?
4. The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym by Edgar Allan Poe – Both Herman Melville and H.P. Lovecraft were inspired by this short novel.
5. The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker – This is where Pinhead and the Cenobites of Hellraiser fame originated.

5 Scary Movies

1. The Exorcist – Projectile vomiting, 360 degree head spinning, and a demonic little girl.  Need I say more?
2. Children of the Corn – The prophecy says that all adults must die. Don’t waste your time with the sequels.
3. The Lost Boys – 80′s teen vampire flick set in California, dude.
4. Let the Right One In – Kids are so sweet and innocent… unless they’re vampires.
5. Zombieland – There may be other zombie flicks, but are they as fun?

5 Scary Video Games

1. BioShock – Enter an underwater utopia. Who said everything was better under the sea?
2. Silent Hill – The link is for the 2nd game, but there are a bunch of worthwhile games in this series. Pick one and try it.
3. Alan Wake – A writer trapped in his own nightmare world… or is he?
4. Dead Space – Horror in space. This would even scare Sigourney Weaver.
5. Left 4 Dead/Left 4 Dead 2 – What could be better than killing zombies with friends?

5 Scary Albums

1. Best O’Boingo by Oingo Boingo – Sure, I know most 80′s music seems scary now, but this is Danny Elfman before he was… well, Danny Elfman.
2. Music for a Darkened Theater by Danny Elfman – More Danny Elfman, but this time from his movie soundtracks. It’s not all scary, but it is all good.
3. Classical Terror by the London Symphony Orchestra – Some of the scariest classical (actually Romantic era) music ever written.
4. The Divine Comedy by Robert W. Smith – I know I’m a band geek, but the first two movements of this wind symphony are among the scariest things you’ll ever hear.
5. 40 Years of Film Music by John Williams – Some of the greatest scary (and non-scary) film music ever written.

Go Forth Into the Night

“Where there is no imagination there is no horror.” – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

I'll be watching you.

Do you have any Halloween traditions you’d like to share?  Want to recommend something for our viewing, listening, reading, or gaming pleasure?  Please leave a comment!

Tonight, I’m sure I won’t be alone in watching the series premiere of  The Walking Dead on AMC at 10:00 pm.

Just remember, however you choose to celebrate, whatever traditions you observe, do so responsibly, respectfully, and safely.

Happy Halloween!!!