On Being a Big Geek

Image: 20th Century Fox

When many non-geeks think of “our kind” they often have a stereotype in their head: Underweight or overweight virgins, living in their mom’s basement, without the social skills necessary to hold gainful employment or procure a mate.

I’m not a virgin (BOING!), I have a job that sucks but pays the bills, I moved out of my mom’s basement AGES ago…but I’m still a Big Geek.  I mean this both in terms of expanse of my interests, as well as expanse of my waistline.  Most of my fellow nerdly brethren are in a situation where there is some flaw, or perceived flaw, that makes them self conscious, and even if you’re not a corpulent individual, anyone can relate to this article. I, the author, am larger than a vast majority of the people who will read this post, and as such I guarantee this article is no attack on fatties.

Bitching:

Sometimes, being a Big Geek really sucks.  Those awesomely nerdy T-shirts are never in your size, cosplay ideas are extremely limited (unless you’re going for a humorous interpretation,) we damn near always have to drive the carpool as it’s quite uncomfortable to ride in the backseat, and those rickety chairs at the FLGS?  Sit at your own risk. Let’s not forget that those all-night gaming sessions can leave geeks, how should I put this, aromatically unappealing; mix in some essence-of-fat-guy and it’s like a whole comic book convention right in your living room.

Coping:

Big people who’ve been big for a long time EXCEL at hiding their gut from the general population.  In a crowded room, I’m like a ninja…deftly maneuvering in the shadows with the soul desire to move from A to B without my girth being noticed.  It’s like the Matrix up in here…if Keanu Reeves ate too much and played Final Fantasy for days-on-end. We’re masters at finding a good sturdy seat, hunkering down, and staying out of the way. A smart Big Geek also knows to carry a sweat towel in his bag of holding.

If YOU or your FLGS want to be accommodating, I’m going to recommend large seats and large fans.

Rejoicing:

The beauty of being a Big Geek is that the community in much more accepting of physical differences that some, and for the most part the activities involved are far more mentally challenging than physically demanding. Working out those puzzles, imagining your super-buff warrior slaying the troll, laying the smack down in a nerd battle with your incredible Buffy the Vampire knowledge (i.e. Angel, Spike, and Drusilla were clearly Malkavian,) it’s all done with the gifts you have…not the physique you’re lacking.

Be proud of your community, participate in it, love it, and give it a big sweaty fat-guy hug.  They accept you, they accept me, and we bring just as much to the table as anyone else.