A Geekcentric Guide to Holiday Gift Selection

Let’s face it, whether or not you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Sol, Festivus, or another winter holiday, this is the time of year that commercialism rears its ugly head in a big way and whispers to you in its seductive voice:

“Buy them gifts.  They deserve it.  Spend money.”

I don’t really exchange gifts with many people for the holidays.  My wife and I may exchange gift-wrapped presents on December 25, or not.  This year, giftsmas came early. We bought a pair of laptops and all the assorted paraphernalia to go with them.  These are not a luxury purchase.  They are necessary for both of us to keep up with our assorted independent entrepreneurial  ventures.  Now, I can write on the go, like at the tire shop while I’m waiting for the car to be finished.  While my iPhone is great, it isn’t a very good writing tool.  An iPad would be better, I imagine.  But my shiny new laptop takes the cake.  I’ve never owned a laptop before (I’ve had loaners from a job) and now I’ve finally caught up with the 21st century.

Other than my wife, the only other people I generally purchase gifts for this time of year are my parents.  Shopping for them has never been easy and now that they are in declining health and advanced age, it has only become more difficult.  If anybody has experience in the area of purchasing gifts for my jovial, but curmudgeonly father and my quietly disapproving mother, suggestions are welcome.

My parents are not geeky by any definition of the term.

This guide is not for them.

I’m sure that some of you have a geek or two in your life that you’d love to surprise with that perfect gift.  Or maybe you’d love to dream about receiving some really geeky gifts for yourself, but you aren’t sure how to drop the right hints.  HINT – Just leave your desktop open to this:

Dear parent/spouse/partner/significant other/sibling/friend/county sherriff,

The person who left this computer open to this page desperately wants something from the list below to be delivered to them for the holidays.  I recommend purchasing it for them immediately (though it would be fitting if you used their credit card to do so).

Without further ado, I present to you:

The Obligatory Annual List of Geekcentric Gifts

This time of year, lists of so-called “perfect gifts” are showing up everywhere.  This list isn’t perfect, but it should help you find some realistic gift ideas for the geeks in your life.  I’m stopping at the customary 10 items on the list, because that is the way of these things.  Also, I haven’t included things that are outrageously priced.  I’ve tried to stick to things that are under $100, with #7 being the only exception just because it was too cool to leave off the list.  One more thing: Nobody asked me to include them on the list.  I’m not receiving anything in exchange for inclusion on this list.  These are just things that I think are awesomely list-worthy.  If the prices listed below change, or an item becomes unavailable, don’t come crying to me.

1. The Tie: If you haven’t already figured it out, receiving a necktie as a gift is normally about as pleasant as actually eating one of those cold, hard bricks of fruitcake that are ubiquitous this time of year.  There are ways to make it a pleasant experience, which is good in case you’re fresh out of real ideas, aren’t very inventive, or know somebody who is required to wear a tie for employment purposes.  Star Wars ties are incredibly geeky, but seem a little played out this year.  Your favorite tie-wearing geek deserves better.  Thankfully, Swagger & Swoon has the solution.  This incredible Dalek necktie contains a sound chip that allows the wearer to pronounce anyone “An enemy of the Daleks” (which everyone is, by the way) and announce the ties plans to “EXTERMINATE!”  This is the coolest tie I’ve ever seen and is the only one I know of that redeems the idea of giving a tie as a gift.  It weighs in at a pretty good price of $23.75 USD plus shipping.
2. Bedroom Slippers: Even geeks need to keep their feet warm and cozy in the winter.  Bunnies and other mundane animals just won’t cut it for the special geek in your life.  Since we opted not to pay homage to George Lucas with our tie selection, how about these adorable Chewbacca slippers at Amazon.  Your favorite Wookie is sure to express their gratitude in a unique way.  This furry footwear carries a very nice $29.99 price.  NOTE: No Wookies were harmed in the making of these slippers.
3. Dice Bag: Feet aren’t the only things geeks need to keep warm in the winter.  It’s a known fact that dice roll better when they’re warm and comfortable.  You can keep your best gamer-geek friend’s dice warm and happy in a Dragon Chow Dice Bag.  Lyndsay handcrafts each of these bags.  They’re reversible and designed to stand up on the gaming table, so there’s no way the bag will flip over and spill your dice all over the place.  They have a drawstring and come in a variety of great patterns for only around $12.99.  Dice not included.
4. Dice: Now that you’ve found the perfect dice bag, you should fill it with a set of Dwarven Metal Dice from Crystal Caste.  My favorite set is the brushed copper look.  Non-gamers may balk at the $45.00 price tag that seems as heavy as these dice, but your favorite gamer will thank you… if they are good rollers.
5. Hoodie: Everybody loves hoodies.  When the weather is right, I practically live in mine.  With the gift of the Real Trooper Hoodie by Marc Ecko, the Star Wars geek in your life can crush the rebels while keeping warm.  The price tag may be set to “Stun” at $69.99, but most of Ecko’s Star Wars hoodies are more expensive than this one.
6. Blanket: While we’re keeping warm, how about a binary blanket for the computer geek in your life?  Think Geek has a ton of gifts for geeks and this one is on sale for only $29.99.  At least it’s not a Snuggie.
7. Trebuchet: Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like a trebuchet.  With this piece of backyard artillery, you can pick up a box of these golf balls and launch your holiday cheer over 200 feet at high velocity.  This is a kit, so it will take some time for the aspiring artillerist to assemble.  Hopefully, it’s enough time for the neighbors to board up their windows.  The $169.00 price tag is hefty, but can you really put a price on the joy this will bring to your entire neighborhood?
8. Towel: The holiday season is no time to be without a towel.  Thankfully, Think Geek comes to the rescue once again with this black utility towel with the number “42″ on it.  At only $12.99, you should also buy one for yourself.
9. Village Band: Do you know anyone who has one of those holiday village set-ups?  You know, the one with all the cute little lighted houses, probably a little glass skating pond and maybe even an electric train running through it?  Recapture the magic of the Salvation Army Bands that used to play for busy shoppers during the holiday season with a miniature village Zombie Band from Chesterton Manor.  It seems like zombies are popping up everywhere these days, so why not in miniature?  At $29.95, I’m sure Dickens would approve.
10. Cookbook: Trying to get the geek man in your life to spend more time in the kitchen?  Cooking for Geeks by Jeff Potter should inspire some true culinary experiments.  This is not your ordinary cookbook. Jeff Potter presents cooking in a Mythbusters-esque way with tons of geek humor. Just remember that before you start cooking, you need to RTFR!  You can pick it up from Amazon for the odd price of $20.71.

If you have any other geeky gift ideas, toss them in the comments.  Also, what is the best geek gift you’ve ever given or received?