Star Wars Week: I Am Barriss Offee

OR

How Grand Moff Tarkin Escaped the Wreckage of the Death Star to End Up on Earth Married to the Queen of England

Just so everyone knows, this has nothing to do with how Grand Moff Tarkin looks like Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (please discuss), but more of all the amazing, wonderful, fabulous things that I love about Star Wars.  Be warned, I plan on rambling.  Ever since the first time I watched the original trilogy somewhere around the age of 8, I’ve been in love.  My cousins probably had every Star Wars toy available in stores when we were growing up, so that of course sparked my interest.  My cousin Michael had a large tie-fighter sitting on his bookshelf and a giant Tupperware container full of Star Wars action figures and weapons with a few G.I. Joe things thrown in here and there.  When I received my Nintendo 64 (for Christmas one year?), I immediately wanted to go out and buy Shadows of the Empire. My ridiculous obsession with Star Wars hasn’t subsided yet, and it’s been more than ten years.  Remember that piece I wrote about not being an idiot while making your convention costume?  Well I finished it.  I was Barriss Offee, who just so happens to be a Jedi healer.  Fitting, given my career choice.

The cloak is a little iffy. I also lack a lightsaber. That would be Tommy's fault. Oh, and that's Nick as Gumby. Hawt.

To me, creating a whole world subdivided into planets and species is amazing.  That is part of the “magic” to me.  I’ve always been sucked into fantasy novels, which is why I’m a Harry Potter fiend.  The Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit did the same thing to me.  I suppose if I were about ten years old, Narnia would also appeal to me.  I’m not sure why I love fantasy lands so much, whether it be Middle Earth or Endor, but I never have a chance.  The fact that it goes past the movies is even better.  There are so many books for me to read!  On a slightly related note (but not really at all) I know many people are angry with George Lucas, but I can’t be.  Without him, Star Wars wouldn’t exist.  We wouldn’t have this gorgeous piece of sci-fantasy (or Indiana Jones).   I love Indiana Jones.

I told you, rainbows and unicorns.

I also feel like I should bring up the soundtrack.  HOLY GOD.  John Williams has to be almost every French horn player’s personal Jesus.  I speak from experience.  This musical score is like an orgy of sound and chocolate, and probably unicorns.  That’s the only way I can think to describe it.  There are very few pieces that are as famous and well-recognized as the Imperial March.  I mean really, name four, not including the main theme or Duel of the Fates.  Actually, name four not including anything else by John Williams.  By doing this, you will most definitely see that John Williams is better than you at everything and that everything he composes is meant to be worshipped.  Seriously though, who hasn’t heard any of these three songs?  The main theme is used in video games and television spoofs.  I had Duel of the Fates in my high school marching band folder right after Crazy Train.  Furthermore, I just listened to Battle of the Heroes 4 times on repeat.  It’s a phenomenal song.  Also, Williams composed the music for Harry Potter, and we ALL know how much I love Harry Potter.  This is only the eighth time I’ve mentioned it in this one paragraph.

This is so true.

I suppose in closing I have to go back to the beginning and prove to you guys that Grand Moff Tarkin and Prince Philip look alike.  Here, have this:

Quite similar, if I do say so myself.  In other words, they’re totally the same person.  Grand Moff Tarkin is consort to the Queen of England.  You’re welcome.

Here, have this, too.