You Might be a GM If

I thought I’d interject a little humor today, rather than my usual “preachiness”. You’ve heard of the “You Might Be a Gamer If”, well, here’s the next step:

You might be a Game Master if…

…you have ever randomly rolled more dice than necessary, then shaking your head, sympathetically, told the PCs that you needed more dice.

…every time you get an idea you laugh maniacally.

…randomly, for no reason, you have ever laughed maniacally just to cause worry and concern amongst your players.

…people are worried when you smile.

…you have ever smiled and caused people to start worrying that it’s “Too Late”.

…people don’t know what your face looks like due to years behind a GM screen.

…you have ever plagiarized Science Fiction, Horror, and Fantasy movies to use the plots in your campaigns.

…you have ever started to root for the villain in Science Fiction, Horror, and Fantasy movies.

…the Player Characters have started running into villains from Science Fiction, Horror, and Fantasy movies.

…you have ever become a villain from a Science Fiction, Horror, or Fantasy movie.

…you have ever borrowed quotes from famous villains to use them in your game.

…you have ever pitted your PC’s up against a villain whose nickname is “Certain Death”.

…you were voted in high school to “Most Likely Rule The World” or “Most Likely Eat Your Young.”

…you have ever caught yourself laughing hysterically at the suffering of your Player Characters.

…you have ever spent hours, even days, painstakingly designing the ultimate deathtrap for your Player Characters.

…you have ever pitched a fit when your Player Characters survived a deathtrap.

…no one wants you to play the guest villain in another GM’s campaign.

…social gatherings have started to remind you of games that you ran.

…you start to think of your closest friends as mindless Player Characters to be toyed with and manipulated at your leisure.

…you have ever kept track of the Player Character deaths and have felt that it wasn’t a good game unless someone died.

…you have ever been handed a note that read: “Just nod your head; ask if I’m really sure I want to do that; roll some dice; say ok.” And you do it.

…you have ever repeatedly handed players notes that read: “Don’t let anyone know there isn’t anything on this note.”

…the whole room gets quite when you whip out the note pad and begin writing.

…you have ever given experience points to a player because he screwed over the rest of the party.

…you have ever fudged a roll to help the Player Characters.

…you have ever fudged a roll to screw the Player Characters.

…you have ever run a game for the sole purpose of revenge.

…you prefer the title “god” or “goddess”.

…you have ever received pizza, beer, chips, ice cream, etc. in exchange for not killing a player character.

…you own a complete set of “Grimtooths Tricks and Traps”.

…you have ever uttered the phrase, “You meet in a tavern.”

…you have ever said, “The good news is you are alive; the bad news is you’re still alive.”

…people still shiver uncontrollably whenever that campaign you ran three years ago is mentioned.

…you consider a roleplaying game as a competition — the players vs. you.

…you are a manipulative, control-freak with a dice bag containing more diverse types of die than imaginable.