I Married a Geek: A Geekcentric Look at Marriage through the Eyes of the Ones Who Know Us Best – Free Form Friday

My Big Fat Geek Marriage

Ahhh, young love. Two people meet and through all sorts of chemical attractions and complex rituals, fall in love… or at least decide that the positives of getting married outweigh the negatives. I know, it’s so incredibly romantic.

But when you first met your significantly other, did either of you really know what you were getting into? Did your spouse realize that they weren’t just marrying you, they were also marrying your computer, your video games, your D&D characters, your action figures, or your book and movie collections?

I’m sure my wife had some idea that I was a pretty big geek. After all, we did meet in band practice.

Still…

We were in college. I never played Dungeons & Dragons during a semester, only during breaks. I wasn’t interested in model railroading yet.

Married to the Geek

Homer: And now Padre, if you would do the honors.

Klingon Priest: (Unintelligible Klingon speech)

Marge: I do.Homer: Marge, you just agreed to raise the kids Klingon.

Marge: D’oh!

In May, my wife and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. She has had plenty of time to watch me fly my geek flag. She accompanied me to the theater for at least one of the Lord of the Rings movies. She had hosted my gaming groups and LAN parties at our house. She has learned to weather rolling stock (it’s a model railroading thing). She let me drag her to the midnight opening of The Watchmen. She has even learned to operate the XBOX 360.

Thinking about the delicate dance we do in the name of love and mawwiage… oops, I mean marriage, I started wondering how our significant others viewed that dance. After all, I have lots of friends who are married geeks. What would their spouses have to say about this peculiar institution.

Wait, that means something else.

Forget I said that.

Geeks in Love

Below, you will find the results of my very unscientific experiment. I sent a set of questions to about two dozen people I know who are married to geeks. Some are male. Some are female. Some are geeks themselves. Some are non-geeks. Their only common denominator is their love for their significantly geeky other.

Here are the questions I asked and a selection of the answers I received:

Question #1: What makes your spouse a geek?

“Myles is a gaming geek. He plays tabletop RPGs and computer games. Also a little bit of a comic book and sci-fi geek.” – Liz

“Lots of books, Star Wars, PC gaming, random knowledge about lots of things.” – Michelle

” Star Wars, video games, and random knowledge about everything.” – Carylynn

“Gaming and video games are his main hobby, and he loves Star Wars above all movies.” – Lisa H.

Hmmm… There seems to be a common thread here.

“A geek is someone who devotes over 75% of his time to computers, electronic devices or Star Trek, which is what my husband does.” – Cara

Finally, a representative from the Federation.

“Brian has always been in the smart crowd, the one who is a little different but tries to fit in. Only a few close friends in school. Defiantly not the ‘in crowd.’” – Amy

“She plays D&D. She doesn’t like showers. She likes boardgames and Magic the Gathering, plays video games but only RPG’s. She’s smart.” – Jonathan

Jonathan, for your sake, I’m not going to print the part about her not liking showers. Oh wait…

“I think having a very passionate interest in/ dedication to/obsession with any topic or activity to a level beyond the average joe, can bring you up to Geek or Nerd level. Most specifically for MY geek that is D&D/roleplaying, video games, board games, model trains/railfanning, band, bibliophile, baseball statistics, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, technology gadgets and gizmos, blogging, website building, photography and HDR photography and the list goes on.” – Barbara

“He’s an MIT graduate, software engineer, gamer, math nerd….” – Tammy

“She pays attention to all the small details and makes a point to learn everything about whatever she is doing. For example, for 6 years she was one of the top four posters on the WoW profession forums.” – Dalton

I can’t argue with any of these qualifications, but 6 years as one of the top posters on the World of Warcraft profession forums? That goes beyond geeky.

Question #2: What is the geekiest thing your spouse does?

“He recites all of the Star Wars movies line for line.” – Lisa H.

“He has dressed up as Star Wars characters with friends and gets the freaking Star Wars newsletter!” – Kristie

“Dressing up as Obi-Wan.” – Carylynn

But Lisa, does your husband recite the lines while dressed as a Star Wars character?

“He likes to make [RPG] characters all the time, even for games he is never going to play.” – Liz

“I’m going with model railroading, since that is a little more rare of a passion.” – Barbara

I also enjoy making characters for games I may never play.

“He programmed PONG because he was bored one day.” – Tammy

“His TI99 geek club has given him awards for being the biggest geek. For Christmas last year, he decided to take me out on a date (which was unusual for him). Then I was surprised to learn it was to see The Klingon Christmas Carol- and they spoke Klingon the whole show! I was NOT happy!” – Cara

Programming PONG out of sheer boredom is incredibly geeky, but merely belonging to a TI99 club would have taken the cake, except that they voted him the biggest geek.

Of a TI99 club!

I don’t even have words for that, except: I am not worthy.

Question #3: What is the worst/most annoying thing about being married to a geek?

“His Vulcan-logic is not the most welcome thing when I’m being an emotional girl.” – Tammy

“I am often put on the back burner in our 3 way relationship (Husband, Computer, Me).” – Cara

“He rambles on a little too much about his rpg’s.” – Lisa H.

“He can develop tunnel vision at times.” – Michelle

Michelle, I definitely understand the tunnel vision thing. I am horrible with that. When I get my head down in that tunnel, I ignore everyone and everything else. I’ve had a friend come to the house to make sure I was still alive, because I just disappeared off the face of the earth for a while.

“His weird geek friends and his inability to dance.” – Kristie

Are you talkin’ to me?

“Gaming envy. Because of my work schedule, I have to miss out on several of the games that Myles plays in, and I’m jealous.” – Liz

Ahhh, spousal gamer envy.

“She remembers everything I or anyone else has ever said.” – Dalton

“The level of obsession/passion/dedication to his geeky pursuits can sometimes be a little overwhelming. Also, it would be nice to sometimes have a guy who gets excited about yard work, building things and home maintenance/repair.” – Barbara

The house is still standing, right? The grass isn’t tall enough for a person to disappear, yet…

Question #4: What is the best thing about being married to a geek?

“She remembers everything I or anyone else has ever said.” – Dalton

Dalton, you’ve used that one already. Oh wait, I see what you did there.

“Those random, useless pieces of knowledge sometimes do have a use.” – Michelle

Did you know that you can actually win money playing trivia at bars???

” He’s not likely to go out clubbing all night, you know, due to the inability to dance. Oh, and geeks are sweet, not high maintenance.” – Kristie

“Watching him have fun with his hobbies even though I may not understand some of them.” – Lisa H.

“His childish excitement is contagious keeps me young.” – Carylynn

“Geeks usually fairly easy-going, laid back and accepting of a wide variety of types of people. Their enthusiasm and zest for life is contagious. It is easy to buy gifts for them because you always know their latest infatuation/passion.” – Barbara

So, being married to a geek can help you live longer, right? Right? I vote yes.

“Gaming together. Myles is great to have at the gaming table. Also we understand each other’s geekiness.” – Liz

Liz and Myles, that’s awesome. You guys are great at a gaming table together

“He has a great job that brings in good money. His skills are valuable in a fragile economy. I always have the latest and greatest technology, and I always get FREE computer repairs. It’s awesome!” – Cara

“Flowers die. Tech lives a lot longer.” – Tammy

Or should it be, “Flowers die and obsolete tech has clubs of people who still think it’s cool. TI99 club, I’m looking at you. Tammy, you crack me up. Sounds like you and Cara are on the same wavelength.

Question #5: Have/Do you ever share in any of your spouse’s geeky interests/hobbies?

“I am a ren faire fan. We used to go to the one in Sterling Forest, NY all of the time. That is a bit geeky, right?” – Kristie

Yes, Kristie. Ren faires are definitely geeky.

” Dressing up as Leia. We both encourage and support each other’s interests so it adds to our relationship.” – Carylynn

“We are both tabletop RPG gamers.” – Liz

“A tiny bit of gaming, though I get pwned easily.” – Tammy

Looks like you’ve also picked up a bit of the 1337.

“I’ve helped with model railroad projects and spent hours railfanning. I play some more party-type video games…and Halo once, but I was TERRIBLE at it. I get into tech stuff, website building, photography, etc. Of course it makes any couple feel closer when they can share the same hobbies, but in some instances it helps that he has a great sense of humor because some of those things I’m just not good at or good at remembering all the details or my interest is marginal.” – Barbara

“He has tried to bring me into his cult, but it’s just not for me. I listen to him like I’m interested, but inside, I let it go in one ear and out the other. That’s what spouses are supposed to do, right?” – Cara

Cara, whatever works for you guys.

Question #6: Do you have any advice for other geek spouses?

“You’re never going to change them, so you might as well join them, or at least let them think you do.” – Cara

“Get a house with a room for them to keep all of their star wars crap. If he/she doesn’t dust and clean then they can’t put out plastic dust catching replicas all over the place. Those shittin’ things have all kinds of dust catching crevices and Darth Vader’s helmet is black. It only takes a day or ywo for that frigging thing to look dusty again, and don’t get me started on the fingerprints.” – Kristie

“If you ever need to kill one of us, ask us how we would do it. You’ll probably be surprised at how devious we can get, while at the same time how clueless we can remain.” – Dalton

“For spouses who aren’t sure you’d like it, try it out- even if it’s a computer game.” – Michelle

“Go with the flow, smile, nod. Get to like yardwork, building things and home maintenance/repair, or live in an apartment. Develop your own passionate interests and friends who share them.” – Barbara

“Set aside the romantic notions of flowers and candlelit dinners. That stuff is all cute in your twenties, but consider the logic of financial stability and gadgets. Wedding or a home down payment? Dinners out or a rocktastic computer setup? Jewelry or cerebral pursuits? Romantics fade, but geeks are forever. They just show love differently!” – Tammy

“Don’t be critical and degrading. Find a balance between decorating the living room in a star wars theme and making him sell his figurines and light sabers on eBay. Geeks never grow up, but that’s not always bad!” – Carylynn

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Do you have any additional answers to these questions? What do you think about these answers? Let us know in the comments!